Yes, the title of this post is very cliche, but it is very applicable to this blog post. This is Jeff writing by the way and it has taken me some time to put these thoughts down.
I've always been one who liked to have a plan. For example, I graduated college with the exact amount of credits needed because once I decided what I was going to study I planned each semester out based on what I needed to take and when those classes were offered. In fact upon applying for graduation, my college counselor told me he had never seen anyone so thoroughly planned and prepared.
Of course with my plans, The Lord has played His part in my decisions from serving a mission to moving to St. George where I met my wife and received my degree. But I knew what I wanted and no one was going to change my mind. Once I graduated college I was going to get a certain job, eventually go back to graduate school in a certain field of study, have a family and live happily ever after, right? Well not exactly...
Although Bobbie and I are very much happy and blessed more than we deserve, things haven't exactly gone the way I had played it out in my mind, which has thrown my life blueprint off. My career hasn't exactly taken off. I am grateful for the experiences I have had, for the people I've met and for the things I'm learning, but it isn't where I had envisioned I'd be. I always told myself I had a backup plan, but knew full well I had no intentions of using it.
The other part of my plan, starting a family, hasn't been in the cards yet either. I think having kids is something too many people take for granted. As I see people make poor choices, which consequently ends with an unplanned childbirth, my heart aches wondering why a child can be born to a parent or parents who can't even seem to take care of themselves when I feel like Bobbie and I could offer that baby so much more. A few weeks ago as we were stopping to grab something for dinner after a busy day, we saw a very pregnant girl smoking a cigaret in front of the restaurant with no discretion whatsoever. It just makes me ask why.
I know I could never compare myself to Joseph Smith and the trials he endured, but I often times ask the same thing he does in Doctrine and Covenants 121, "O God, where are thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?"
There are many general conference talks given on this topic. The one that comes to mind was given by Elder D. Todd Christofferson where we are compared to a currant bush and God is the gardener. As the gardener prunes the bush, the bush asked:
"How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth....And now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me....How could you do this to me? I thought you were the gardener here."
[The gardener] replied, "Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn't intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and someday, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, 'Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down.'"
You can read the full talk
here.
I have full faith that The Lord is helping me see my full potential and guiding me in the way I should go. Perhaps I need to be humbled as well. While working at the bank prior to graduation, a gentleman told me I seemed to be a guy that had everything going for him, which required Heavenly Father to shrink my head down a bit.
One thing I do know is The Lord's promises are sure and he will provide as we seek him, even if it isn't what we had in mind. In Isaiah 55: 8-9 The Lord says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways...for as the heavens are higher than earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."
This is why I need to let go and let God. I need to quit trying to tell The Lord what I want, and instead work harder to seek his counsel.
