Step 1 - Home Study

First of all, can I just say how much I admire "Blogger Moms" or really anyone who can manage to keep up on their blog! Jeff & I both always think of things we can blog about, especially after so many people telling us how much they enjoy reading it, but we never find the time to really get it done. Hopefully now we can be more consistent because logging our journey toward parenthood, this way is going to be the best way to keep all of our family and friends updated! We also hope to help any other couples by sharing what we are learning, because that has really been the only way we have been able to make any progress at all through this web of craziness called adoption. 

I think the part for us that has made it so chaotic is that we have been traveling down both the fertility specialist avenue and adoption as adoption in Utah has been transforming into a whole new thing. 

If you would like an update on the fertility testing and where we have been with that, please click on that link. I highly recommend the doctor that we have seen to anyone with questions about their fertility! He has helped women all over the world conceive and the entire office staff is amazing.

In the state of Utah in order to do any type of adoption you have to complete a Home Study. There is a lot of work that goes into receiving this document, which is basically a legal document from the state proving you have been evaluated and are legally acceptable to adopt a child. It took us a lot of steps to reach step #1, but we are finally here! The application forms have been read, filled out, signed and ready to mail out first thing tomorrow morning. Because we started this process at the end of summer this year with LDS Family Services, we kind of know what to expect and have most of our documents in order. So hopefully this will be a seamless process that will go through quick as can be. 

The reason we chose to go through Utah Adoption Services is because realistically we can not afford $30,000+ to adopt through an agency. It is a little less leg work going through an agency and Utah has some great ones. But, we have a lot of support of friends and family and feel that we will be able to reach the right birth mom through the help of all of you! People are alway so willing to help, but just don't know how. So this is how you can help us...

SHARE OUR STORY! 

(as uncomfortable as that has been for us, we are learning more and more that is really the only way to get in touch with the right people)

Now is the time that the person you know, who knows someone out in Flordia, who has a cousin's friend who is looking for a family... send them our way.

That sounds super weird, but it's really how it all works!

We are working on our official online profile, so eventually that will be the best thing to share. But, for now we have our blog and also pass along cards. If you would like some pass along cards let us know and we would be happy to get some for you! 

Not every birth mother who we come in contact with is going to be the right fit. But we have a feeling that the love will be instant and hopefully it will all work out smoothly from there. But first, we have to get in front of her and let her know that we are here. Waiting for her, waiting to love her, waiting to help her and waiting to be her friend. 

Thank you all again for helping us through this adventure ... we love you and appreciate your support!

-Jeff & Bobbie

01.11.2015

The Fertility Stuff....

We have been working with an amazing fertility doctor down in Provo who has been able to give us far more answers than any other doctor we have seen. We knew there were a lot of issues going on (for Bobbie) but for the most part they were pretty common and we tried treating them, but still no luck.

This doctor literally knew the first time he met with us what was going on. He had to order the tests, but told us he was sure the major issue was an auto immune issue of some sort. He continued in that first visit to talk to us about how there are a handful of specialists in the entire country who deal with fertility auto immune issues and that all available treatments are experimental because it is such new treatment. A portion of women are just never able to conceive and they fall under the "unknown cause" category. These specialists are finding that these women almost always now fall under the "fertility auto immune" category.

The nice part about knowing this information before we even had the tests done is that it kept us from rushing into more expensive treatments like IVF (invetro) because knowing what we know now, there is no way it would have been successful. Our doctor told us in this first consultation that so many couples rush into treatments without first finding out what the real issue is. So he was determined to find out the issue before sending us to do a treatment where your pocketbook and emotions are under so much pressure. Thank heaven for this because there were other doctors pushing that to be our next step.

It took us a couple months to let all of this information sink in and weigh our options before we spent the hundreds of dollars on these tests that would lead us to who knows where. Maybe a doctor in Chicago? Maybe to spend thousands in IVF, if we were lucky. Or maybe the worst answer of all, that it just wasn't going to happen for us.

Well... at this point we needed a break from the overwhelming "what ifs" of fertility treatment. Being angry that these other doctors had never even mentioned this issue. Wondering if this guy was for real, but knowing inside he had to be right and being grateful we were lead to him to finally get some answers.

The thing about fertility issues is you can't just wait around like other people, knowing one month you will just be pregnant. Surprise! That's never going to happen, which is such a weird thought. You have to research and see doctors and have painful exams and pay money for tests and count days and take note of everything your body does and the hardest part ... wait. And then there is the part where other people are involved. Everyone knows someone who had a hard time getting pregnant. You always hear the success stories.. which is encouraging in the beginning. But, after a few years you kind of just have to let people talk because I've learned it isn't really for me that they are sharing these stories, it is for them. People want to help. It is hard to sit and watch someone you love have a hard time, so people try to be encouraging by telling you there is hope by sharing stories of their friends - sisters - daughter.
If you have shared a story with us, advise with us, or even your personal story, thank you. It shows us that you care and you want to help. That part does help.

But now we know that our situation is not the same as yours, more than likely. No Doterra oils or witch doctors or invetro specialist is going to be able to help us conceive like it did you. But we do have one option...

After finally getting our tests done in November, we learned that indeed I do have a fertility auto immune issue going on (amongst the other issues; PCOS, endometreosis, low-thyroid and a mutated gene that doesn't allow processing of Folic Acid/Vitamin B). The issues are that my body attacks EVERYTHING. Which means I failed all tests.  All stages of the conception would be categorized as "foreign object to be attacked". To break it down; if the sperm did not get attacked (which is would) and was able to form an embryo then the embryo would get attacked (and also the environment for an embryo to develop would be attacked). So basically, odds are none.
But.. there is one experimental procedure we could have done that may help.

There is a therapy where they implant the husband's white blood cells into the wife's blood stream to try and calm down the attacks by allowing her body to recognize these cells and build a friendship with them, in hopes that her cells will let their guard down a little for these foreign cells. Makes sense. Sounds super easy, just inject his blood into my arm once, then again in two weeks.
The issue is that this treatment is not legal in the US. So we would need to go to a clinic right across the boarder in Mexico to get it done. (I about DIED when my doctor told me this.)
So that is our next option if we wanted to continue with fertility treatments.

Go to Mexico for the blood therapy. Go back to Mexico two weeks later for another treatment. Two weeks later go back to my doctor to have hundreds of dollars of blood work done, to see if the treatment worked. Then pay $10,000 and do IVF if it all worked. We should have a reality show right?! With this craziness.

But.. there are a few things we know.
This trial and situation was planned specifically for Jeff & I. We have learned a lot so far and will continue to do so. We know that in a snap of a finger, God could heal my body. God COULD heal my body. God COULD give us a surprise pregnancy like so many others.  God COULD even have a baby dropped off on our doorstep. But he hasn't. He may, but he hasn't. And we are so glad He hasn't because we know that He is guiding us and helping us follow His plan for us. His plan is much better than the easy plan we would have paved out for ourselves. His plan is teaching us a whole nother level of love. His plan is pushing us way beyond our comfort zones and way beyond the familiar. His way is teaching us true principals on FAMILY and what that eternal concept really looks like. It's different for each family, but really all the same.
We are also learning about timing and how to listen to promptings and patience and work without instant gratification. As people who hate asking for help, we are learning to lean on people; how to serve and allow others to serve.
It is a spiritual experience to lean on your Heavenly Father fully. By this point, it's out of our hands, and we are fully aware. We are completely acting in faith and trying to be obedient, trying to be patient. We  are changing out plans continually and  hope you'll be interested in hearing where that takes us.

- Bobbie & Jeff