Finding Peace in The Journey

It's been a little over a month since our last update on our journey toward parenthood. Let us just say how wonderful people have been about the whole thing! Immediately following the post we were flooded with stories from people in all different walks of life. Some were from family members, some from very old friends and others from acquaintances or complete strangers. When writing the post together, we did it more as a therapeutic gesture for ourselves than for anything else. As we have researched other couples' adoption profiles and heard success stories of couples who finally got their baby, it was surprising how often people are just literally handed a baby. One couple that we saw online, her dad was a branch president and one day a girl brought a baby to the door step for his daughter, who had been contemplating adoption with her husband. A story from a friend is similar; when her dad was a bishop, a girl knocked on his door with a baby in her arms. The bishop's son (my friend's brother) had been trying for years for a child and when this young girl delivered her baby, he had been visiting with the dad. They knew instantly who the baby was intended for ... the son/brother and his wife. So although it does sound a little crazy, we are kind of just thinking something like this will happen for us. To help that along, we will continue to post and pray for guidance. (That is until we have $25,000+ saved to go through an adoption agency.)

Another lesson we have learned since posting is that not everyone is meant to adopt. It is clearly a calling set out for certain people. We have been questioned by so many on why we would even consider adoption when we have not completely exhausted all of our options (whether they know we have or not). It is with a grain of salt that we listen to everyone's "cure all" for us to conceive on our own. We have had acquaintances that are sure they can help us conceive through purchasing and using their all natural herbal products or Doterra oils. Others who know the right doctor who has helped them. Invetro is the cure for so many. It is so sweet that people want to make sure we know about their success stories, but we know for certain that those things will not work for us to conceive our own children.

Even before getting the last test results, we both have had the strongest feeling that "If God wanted us to get pregnant, we would." Which still may very well happen someday. But for now we are comforted in knowing that we have spent thousands of dollars and countless months of test results to show the Lord our strongest effort and desire to become parents. There is a very small percent of fertility issues that fall under the "without explanation" category (2%-5%). The doctors now know that the fertility issues that fall under this category are typically autoimmune issues. The problem could be that my body is attacking it's own cells OR the problem could be that my body is attacking the cells of my husband. (on top of other issues like insulin resistance and endometriosis)
To describe our situation in the words of Jeff, "So we can pay $2,000 MORE to find out which route we have to save for?!" Meaning, we could spend a couple thousand dollars on more tests to find out whether I'm attacking myself or attacking my husband. From there we would be able to try more medications, more tests and experimental procedures. Which may or may not lead us to invetro type options or a surrogate. So... for now we are taking a break from fertility treatments and further tests.

Although it seems like we are constantly answering questions about our "family status" when it comes to fertility, it's really not something we worry too much about. As we get close to our five year anniversary, we could be like other couples who delete their Facebook or cry at the sight of anything BABY ... but that is not us. We are super duper happy with our doggie son Jake and the wonderful relationship we have as husband and wife. We know that we have been given a major blessing in having these wonderful years of marriage together to travel and really find ourselves. Instead of dwelling on what we are "missing" in comparison to majority of other families, we are embracing the opportunity for our own growth. We have left so many things hanging in the balance. As we have been waiting for the time when we will be parents, it has held us back in some aspects, from fully enjoying ourselves and being successful in our careers and other endeavors.

We do look forward to the day when we will be able to hold our child in our arms, but for now we are going to focus on what we can control and better ourselves for when that day comes.

We are so grateful for all of the support we have been given and will continue to share our adventures with you!

Family Photos {2014}

We have been wanting to get family pictures done FOREVER but our favorite family photographer is down in St. George. It seems impossible to find time to get ready and have pictures done when you're on vacation, but we did it! Thanks to Kacie for being so sweet and letting us get ready at her house!

Also thanks to Kourtney for being so flexible and able to get us booked. I seriously texted her like TWO DAYS, maybe, before we did these pictures. Then one quick trip to the mall later we were set!

Turning a Negative into a Positive: Our Unknown Path to Parenthood

Many of you already know all about our love story. {If not CLICK HERE}

What most of you don't know is the ongoing story of our struggles. Trials are always a little harder to share than the lighthearted fairytales, which is why we haven't shared this story with many. 

This September marks our 5th wedding anniversary. Our desire to grow our eternal family soon followed our sealing in the St. George temple that beautiful September day of 2009. Neither of us could have expected what was in store with the battle of infertility.

Those who haven't experienced this battle, can't fully understand the sorrow it can bring. You begin to wonder why God doesn't trust you with one of his children or why so many children are born into broken homes when you could provide a loving, Christ-centered home. Your faith can definitely be tested and your testimony strengthened. 

Our journey has come to a crossroads of waiting vs. action. We've been waiting and taking actions only to be steered in a new direction. Doctors visits, tests, medications, counting days on a calendar over and over until before you know it ... four full years have passed with few answers. Luckily after the first two years people kind of recognize this sensitive subject and no longer ask when we're having a baby. 

For the past few months we've been praying and researching the path of adoption. We saw what a difference we made in our amazing dog's life by providing him a home. Why not provide that same type of love and care to a child? Days after our intake interview with LDS Family Services, it was made known that they would be discontinuing their adoption services. This really put us in shock because we felt we had finally made a decision just so see that happen days after. Although there are still options available for adoption, it has complicated this route for us.

We have been really blessed to have this trial strengthen our marriage in ways we did not think possible. On the day we were married I didn't think I could love someone so much ... but now I wonder what the heck I was thinking love even was! 

So here we are now at two unknown roads.

Road #1: Do we continue to visit the fertility specialist, paying for test after test that may or may not provide the answers we desperately seek?

Road #2: Do we continue our search for the baby we felt so strongly was out there waiting for us to adopt?

Although we still have a long road ahead of us no matter the path we take, we know that the spirit is leading us and eventually we will have the overwhelming joy of parenthood. As for now, we will continue moving forward with faith, focusing on bettering ourselves through serving others.

We felt strongly about sharing our story at this time. Perhaps it is meant for someone specific who is going through a struggle of their own to help them know they are not alone or perhaps by some chance someone reading this post knows someone who knows someone that is looking for the right couple for their baby.

This is our journey.
-Jeff & Bobbie

Happy 4th of July {2014}

Happy 4th of July!

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We are super duper bad at updating the blog! For those of you disappointed readers, so sorry.

We want to try to be better because we love looking back at back posts and photos.

Can you believe it will be 5 YEARS this September?

We have had a lot of adventures together so far and are excited that life is finally calming down a little bit for us. 

Right now we are living in Northern Utah. I can't tell you HOW AWESOME it is to not live a summer in the desert. This is now our fourth season up here and we are satisfied 4 of 4! I really told Jeff this week that if I ever had to leave Utah the only place I would ever willingly go would be somewhere cold with lots of nature. So pretty much, we love it here and hope to never leave!

Jeff's job is going great for now! He has been there for six months already and loves the people he works with. He has so much fun some days that I wonder if those guys just play around all day. But he's always a top performer so, he must be doing something right.

My job is going great too! It's also like Jeff's job, where you really don't even feel like you're working because you enjoy it so much. So we are definitely blessed!

Even Jake is doing good right now ...

We just celebrated his 3rd birthday! He got shots, a hair cut and a whole lot of love & treats. People think we are crazy because of how much we love our "dog", but seriously sometimes we can't even believe he isn't a little boy. (I know that sounds weird, but we just love him SO MUCH!)

He was clearly off his game a little bit today for our family picture, he's usually super photogenic.

We have really been working on some big changes like buying a house and trying to find out how to get our family a little bigger. Both stressful and time consuming but we are really happy with where we're at for now. Definitely on our own page in life, but we are learning so much together. 

I guess that's it for now!

The Little Seeds That Grow - Part I

The Little Seeds that Grow - Part I

When I was in 6th grade, my family moved out to Salt Lake from Oklahoma City. This was a MAJOR crisis in my life at that age. We moved a lot, like I can't even name all of the elementary schools I went to because there was at least one or two every year. We were never settled. Different state, different city or just a different part of town.

A couple times it was a relief to move because I had a hard time making friends back then. (A chubby girl with a bad haircut and a boy name.. Oh the stories of elementary school!) But, hard to believe, sometimes I finally had a best friend and it seemed traumatic to start all over again. I realize now how much this really taught me to be adaptable and happy in my circumstances, but you obviously don't see the big picture when you're young. Lucky I did always have at least one friend, no matter where I moved... my sister! Wherever I went there she was, whether I wanted her or not. Haha!

As a child my "home" was never the house that we were currently living in. Home was always that same first address and first phone number I learned (which crazily I can still recite today. Mind you, I barely remember my husbands birthday.) Nana & Papas house in Oklahoma City was always home.
When they moved into this house from Phoenix I was 3 or 4. My mom flew me out there for a visit, but I never went back to Arizona. I didn't want to leave, I wouldn't. I loved this house with the huge backyard and loved these people too much to leave, so mom packed up the other two kids and moved to Oklahoma City too. (I make it sound like we moved there just because of me, but I'm sure she missed them as much as I did because she moved us in right across the street!)

We made a few moves to far away places like Denver, but finally made it back "home" to Oklahoma. It wasn't even a year before there was talk of going to Utah. We had gone out there for a little visit to meet my mom's new in-laws and see our new siblings, but it was REALLY far away. I remember hearing something about Mormons after that trip. I only remember this because we started learning about the Mormon Pioneers in my 5th grade class. I raised my hand and said, "Hey, my step-dad is a Mormon." I didn't know what that really meant, but the kids in my class certainly did because the class gasped.

My family went to church on and off when I was little but it wasn't a "Mormon church."  I knew there was a God, I knew there was a Jesus. I knew stories from the Bible and to be nice to people. What I didn't really know was that there were different religions. I guess, I mean different Christian religions.
I knew what I knew and I don't really know where exactly I learned it all, but my core beliefs haven't changed to this day.

Some people say they know the exact moment they gained a testimony. But, I think a testimony is more than just one moment or a single experience. For me, that moment in class was my first light bulb in religion.

Even though I threw a fit at the time for making us move again, and farther away than every before, I see this did kind of make for a perfect time for my mom and step-dad to move us to Salt Lake City! The beginning of my 6th grade year, we moved there to be part of the LDS culture and get into The Church. Which was super annoying and made no sense to a pre-teen. Like I said before, MAJOR crisis.

But, when we met with the missionaries another light bulb clicked. I had seen these guys before! The two guys in the white shirts with ties had knocked on the door before in Oklahoma. We had to be quiet so they didn't think we were home, but when they didn't go away I remember Nana was super nice to them but told them she wasn't interested. (I remember this happening twice)

Obviously, these weren't the same EXACT guys with us in Utah, but their messages were just the same as we could have received in Oklahoma. This makes me so grateful for missionaries that go all over the world, planting seeds that they don't even realize are being planted. I'm sure those missionaries were super excited when a friendly face answered the door, but were crushed when another one turned them away. They'll never know that the little girl in the background was watching, curious about that little blue book and one day would be baptized with her family.